First of all, it’s not. It’s always been important and it always will be.
Now let’s talk about why it’s important right now.
I could list things like gun violence and natural disasters, racial injustices and hate crimes, political divisiveness and war (to which you would all say um, duh). I could talk about the mental health crisis sweeping across our communities or the wistful ache for Something more whispering in the souls of our colleagues (and ourselves) who present so very… okay. I could throw themes at you and you’d nod your heads and then we’d say “okay, yes, wellbeing is important.” And then the brave ones would say, “But…. how exactly? Because if you took a peek under the hood of my life you’d see absolutely no room for that”.
So forget that then. Let’s not talk about our hypothetical perfect lives full of time and energy and motivation for wellbeing. Let’s talk about our real lives right here right now.
Let me tell you why wellbeing is important for me right here right now:
My marriage is in transition. Huge swaths of my town are wrecked and/or under water (hi from Santa Cruz, CA). This is week 2 of my new job. I’m finishing a dissertation and preparing my kid for high school and trying to keep my cat out of the vet’s office (turns out he’s a lover and a fighter). Also, my mom is battling cancer and family is complicated and I mostly love being in my 40’s and sometimes I’m like wait, what?!
Anyway, hi. I’m Sarah Meyer Tapia and I’m Head of Wellness and Interim Director of an academic wellbeing department at Stanford University. I also run my own business teaching meditation and coaching people who want to feel like their whole beautiful selves and I give talks to big companies. Oh, and I’m a hot mess.
You know what? I’m okay with that.
The hot mess is evidence I have relationships I care about, work I care about, professional pursuits, and the best most ferocious little love-bug of a kitty. The hot mess says I’m alive, I have a body and I’m using it. I’m getting my hands dirty in things that matter.
Why not be proud of the fact that we’re hot and we’re messy? We’re living. Isn’t that the point?
That said, the living takes energy, and we don’t always get to put that energy into what we love or even what we like. I wanted to dive into all my creative endeavors today and instead found myself pivoting around power outages and leaks and defensive grocery shopping (how many should I buy in case they run out but also I don’t want to contribute to the problem by buying all the things?!).
Sigh.
The living takes energy. If we’re spending more than we’re bringing in we land in that wrenching place called Burnout. That’s the bottom line of it. That’s why wellbeing is essential for every single one of us. Wellbeing (since we haven’t yet defined it), is a sense of health and vitality. It’s the state of having energy to do the living, and feeling good about it. Wellbeing stems from practices that generate energy, authentic happiness, genuine connection, and purpose. Wellbeing doesn’t just happen.
By the way, isn’t that just the cruelest irony? Wellbeing gives us the energy to really live, and yet it takes energy to cultivate wellbeing. It’s like needing experience in order to get a job. If you don’t get that first job you’ll never have experience. We need that first wellbeing so we can draw on some energy to cultivate more.
How do we get that first wellbeing?
I have a few thoughts…
Forget doing more; show up to what you’re doing. Don’t add anything to your already too-full life. Be present for more of your already too-full life. The most efficient way to do this is by taking a conscious breath because your breath is always in the present moment. By placing your attention on your breath you, too, land in the present moment. And in this moment, almost always, we’re okay.
Let me say that again. In this moment, almost always, we’re okay.
If we can be here for more okay moments, maybe even notice some more-than-okay moments, we can fill up on that general stability and safety and maybe even pleasure and bolster ourselves for more challenging moments.
Go where the ease is. When we’re anxious or generally unwell, priority one is safety. Whether it’s a person, an activity, a blanket or a pet or a warm cup of coffee, go toward whatever makes you exhale. That exhale is essential in determining next steps. We literally cannot access the part of our brain that determines next steps when we’re in a state of urgent reactivity and survival. The exhales moves us into a more spacious, grounded energy in which we can get some perspective and ask ourselves what is the next right thing?
Support your own self. It’s beyond me why we instinctively offer support to our struggling loved ones and then we say things like “what’s wrong with me, why am I not handling this better” to our struggling selves. It’s weird and it doesn’t work.
What if you were on your own team? What if you worked with yourself through this life instead of fighting against your own heart? What if you met yourself with a spirit of “how can I help?”, asking things like what would make my past self proud and my future self grateful? What if you showed up to your work and your people and your whole hot and messy life already resourced, already supported? You benefit everyone around you when you’re well rested, when you have a therapist, when you’ve taken two minutes to breathe before talking, when you’ve moved your body and eaten good food and unapologetically devoured the Lizzo documentary (just me?).
You know what you need.
(You also know what you want for immediate gratification that will later leave you empty and grasping.)
You know what you need. Give it to yourself.
Written By: Sarah Meyer Tapia https://www.sarahmeyertapia.com/ Read more about Sarah here.
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